The Hidden Cost of Holiday Cheer: How to Protect Your Mental Health Without Missing the Magic
The holidays are supposed to be joyful, festive, and full of connection. Twinkling lights, cozy drinks, good food, and time with the people we love. But if you’re anything like me, sometimes the “cheer” can come with an unexpected cost: stress, exhaustion, and even guilt.
It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement — the plans, the gifts, the events — and forget to take care of yourself in the process. You might find yourself exhausted even after “fun” moments, struggling to get through small tasks, or saying yes to things you don’t really have the energy for. That’s holiday burnout, and it’s more common than we often admit.
The good news is that there are ways to protect your mental health this season without missing the magic. It starts with boundaries, rest, and connection.
Boundaries Are the Bridge Between Yourself and Others
Many people think boundaries are walls, or that they’re selfish ways to keep people away. But boundaries aren’t meant to keep people at arm’s length. They’re a way to show how you show up for yourself and for others. Boundaries can take many forms, including:
Deciding how much you spend on gifts
“I can’t participate in the $50 white elephant, but I’m happy to watch!”
Choosing which conversations you engage in
“Oh, I don’t really want to talk about XYZ, but I was wondering if you saw that new movie that came out!”
Planning your time so it works for you too, not just everyone else
“Well, the baby naps at 2, so we’ll have to swing by after she wakes up. Don’t feel like you have to wait for us though!”
Saying no without guilt
“I can’t make that event, but I hope you have a great time!”
Scheduling alone time to recharge
Planning a Sunday evening to watch movies at home instead of going to an event.
Each person’s boundaries are unique, and that’s exactly the point. Giving yourself permission to protect your energy doesn’t make you selfish and it actually allows you to be more present. And being present is what lets you truly enjoy the season with the people who matter most.
Rest Isn’t Optional
But we certainly treat it like it is. We plan for parties, meals, and gifts, but how often do we plan for rest? Taking a break isn’t lazy or indulgent. It’s essential. Even small moments of quiet, mindfulness, or doing nothing at all can help you stay grounded, reduce stress, and actually enjoy the holiday magic rather than just pushing through it.
I hear all the time, “I just want to soak it all in,” but if you’re exhausted, spread thin, and irritable because your batteries are running low, your mood can bleed into the moment. Instead of soaking in the magic, you’re left with a bad taste in your mouth.
With kids, we often say they’re overstimulated, overloaded, and need a rest. As adults, though, we expect ourselves to power through for the sake of keeping everyone else happy. If you’re someone who honors everyone else’s commitments, here are some ways to honor your own:
Try scheduling downtime like it’s an appointment. Step away from the hustle, even if it’s just 15 minutes to sip tea, take a walk, or close your eyes and breathe. You deserve that space.
Keep your normal routines and bedtime. Predictability can help you stay centered even during hectic events. If that means leaving early to stick to your routine or missing an event because your kids are napping, do it.
Make a list of things you find relaxing and festive, and prioritize those activities. When we start out recharged, we can engage fully, enjoy the moment more, and sustain our energy longer.
Connection Over Perfection
Choosing connection over perfection means letting go of unrealistic expectations and focusing on what really matters: enjoying time with people you care about and creating meaningful moments. That might mean saying no to one party so you can fully be present at another. Or skipping a complicated recipe in favor of a simpler one you actually enjoy making.
Because real life doesn’t look like Pinterest or that one girl on Instagram, so stop trying to make it all perfect and start looking at what is really important to you. When we focus too much on appearances — the perfect decorations, the perfect social media post, the perfect holiday image — we miss opportunities to make real connections with the people around us.
And the real truth is that connection often looks messy. It might mean letting traditions change, letting kids make a mess, making simpler meals, or saying no to multiple visits in one day. Other people can feel when we’re truly present. A few hours of fully showing up is far more meaningful than hopping from event to event without actually settling in.
Spending money to “keep up with the Joneses” can be another hidden trap. When we violate our own financial boundaries or buy things for the wrong reasons, we add stress and guilt, and it makes it harder to enjoy the moments we actually care about. Connection and joy come from being present and making memories, not from creating an image of perfection for others.
Prioritize presence over perfection. Let go of the things that don’t really matter to you and focus on the people, experiences, and moments that truly bring joy. When you do that, the holidays become about real connection, not just appearances.
Pause and Reflect
Before the holiday rush sweeps you away, take a moment to check in with yourself. Here are a few questions to consider:
Which holiday expectations are truly yours, and which come from others?
Where in your schedule do you feel most drained?
What small moments of rest or joy can you build into your week?
