Suicide Prevention Month: The Conversations We Can't Be Afraid to Have

September is Suicide Prevention Month, and while suicide is something we need to be talking about year-round, this month gives us an important opportunity to bring a difficult topic into the light.

As a therapist, I spend a lot of time encouraging people to talk about uncomfortable things. The things we're afraid to say out loud. The thoughts we worry will scare someone away or make them see us differently.

Suicide is one of those things.

It can be incredibly difficult to know what to say when someone we love is struggling. We worry about saying the wrong thing. We worry about making things worse. Sometimes, we worry that asking about suicide might even put the idea into someone's head.

So we don't ask.

But we need to.

Talking About Suicide Does Not Make Someone Suicidal

This is one of the most important misconceptions I wish more people understood.

Asking someone directly if they are thinking about suicide does not cause suicidal thoughts or increase their risk of suicide. Instead, asking the question can open the door for someone to talk about something they may have been carrying alone.

You don't need to be a therapist to have that conversation.

You can start with something as simple as:

“I've noticed you haven't seemed like yourself lately. How are you really doing?”

If you're concerned about suicide, you can ask directly:

“Are you thinking about suicide?”

Yes, it might feel uncomfortable.

Ask anyway.

We sometimes become so focused on finding the “right” thing to say that we forget the most important thing we can offer someone is our willingness to listen.

Struggling Doesn't Always Look Like Struggling

One dangerous assumption we can make is that we would know if someone we loved was suicidal.

We might not.

Someone can show up to work every day. They can make jokes. They can post on social media. They can take care of their children. They can spend time with friends. They can make plans for next weekend.

And they can still be struggling.

There isn't one specific way suicidal thoughts look from the outside. However, there are warning signs worth paying attention to, including:

• Talking about wanting to die or having no reason to live

• Expressing hopelessness or feeling trapped

• Feeling like a burden to others

• Withdrawing from people or activities

• Significant changes in sleeping or eating

• Increased alcohol or substance use

• Increased anxiety, agitation, anger, or reckless behavior

• Significant changes in mood

• Giving away meaningful belongings or saying goodbye

• Frequently talking or writing about death

• Looking for or developing a way to end their life

Warning signs can be especially concerning when they are new, increasing, or occurring alongside a significant loss, trauma, relationship change, or other major stressor.

But this is also why I encourage people not to wait until they see a checklist of warning signs before checking in with someone.

If something feels different, ask.

If Someone Tells You They're Thinking About Suicide

Hearing “I've been thinking about suicide” from someone you care about can be terrifying.

Your brain may immediately go into problem-solving mode. You may want to convince them that everything is going to be okay, remind them how much they have to live for, or tell them how devastated everyone would be without them.

Those responses usually come from love. But in that moment, your job isn't to convince someone out of their feelings.

It's to listen.

Try:

“I'm really glad you told me.”

“I'm here with you.”

“You don't have to handle this alone.”

“Let's figure out what support you need right now.”

Give them room to talk without immediately trying to make the feelings disappear.

And most importantly, take them seriously.

If someone tells you they are planning to end their life, don't promise to keep it a secret. Help them connect with additional support and reduce access to anything they could use to hurt themselves.

You can also call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You don't have to wait until someone is actively attempting suicide to reach out. You can contact 988 yourself if you're worried about someone and need help figuring out what to do next.

If there is an immediate, life-threatening emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

What Helping Can Actually Look Like

We sometimes think helping someone through a mental health crisis requires saying something profound.

Usually, it doesn't.

Helping can look like sitting with someone while they make a phone call.

It can look like helping them find a therapist.

It can look like driving them to an appointment.

It can look like checking in again tomorrow instead of assuming they're okay because the crisis has passed.

It can look like asking, “Do you want me to listen, help you problem-solve, or just sit with you right now?”

It can look like reminding someone that they don't have to figure everything out tonight.

You don't have to become someone's therapist to support them. In fact, you shouldn't try to.

You can care about someone deeply while recognizing when they need support beyond what you can provide.

Suicide Prevention Starts Long Before a Crisis

When we talk about suicide prevention, I think it's important that we don't focus only on what happens during an emergency.

Prevention happens much earlier.

It's teaching people that they are allowed to talk about depression, trauma, grief, substance use, self-harm, loneliness, shame, anxiety, and hopelessness before those feelings become unbearable.

It's learning our own warning signs.

It's developing coping skills when we're in a place where we can actually practice them.

It's identifying the people we can call when things get heavy.

It's creating a safety plan when one is needed.

It's making therapy and mental health conversations something we don't have to whisper about.

In my work at New Light Counseling, one thing I hope clients learn is that they don't have to wait until they're at their breaking point to ask for help.

You don't need to be “bad enough” for therapy.

You don't need to know exactly what's wrong.

You don't need to have the perfect words to describe how you're feeling.

Sometimes therapy starts with, “I don't really know what's going on. I just know I'm not okay.”

That's enough.

Check On Your People. And Mean It.

We say “How are you?” constantly.

Most of the time, we expect to hear “good.”

This month, I want to encourage you to ask again.

“How are you really doing?”

Check on the friend who has gone quiet.

Check on the person who is always making everyone else laugh.

Check on the person who is going through a breakup, grieving a loss, struggling with substances, or dealing with a major life change.

Check on the person who seems like they have everything together.

And check on yourself, too.

If someone tells you they're struggling, you don't have to have the perfect response. Listen. Take them seriously. Help them connect with support. Keep checking in.

Sometimes bringing something into the light starts with one person being willing to ask about what everyone else is afraid to talk about.

This September, let's be willing to have those conversations.

If You Need Support

If you or someone you love is struggling with their mental health, the therapists at New Light Counseling are here to provide a supportive, compassionate space to talk about what you're experiencing and begin finding a way forward.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or emotional distress, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Free, confidential support is available 24/7.

If there is an immediate, life-threatening emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

You don't have to wait until you're in crisis to let someone in.